Confessions of a Divorcee
Within the Christian community, so many of us are clamoring to be married; tired of singleness and praying for a mate. We have dreams of Godly spouses, bible- verse-reciting children and a legacy of loving, God-honoring marital bliss. But what of those who have gone that way already? What of those who waited on the Lord, married Godly spouses, and now face failed marriages? What is to become of them, and what is their hope?
Below is an account written from a Christian divorcee and dear friend of mine; a woman who loves Jesus and now finds herself at the end of a relationship she thought would last a lifetime.
Read with compassion.
It didn’t work out.
I tried so very hard to make it work.
I begged him to make it work with me.
But he refused.
So there I was, feeling rejected and unwanted by someone I wanted. Wondering why it couldn’t work, where did I go wrong in the marriage and why did all of this have to happen.
I’m back to being alone, coming home to no one every day, lying next to no one every night. Dealing with loneliness is a challenge in itself. There are certain needs that no friend or family member can fulfill. Physical needs, yes, but also the need for companionship, the need to share a life with someone and build something with someone. Having a laugh with a friend for 2 hours is great but when all is said and done, everyone goes home to their own lives.
But one of the main struggles for me besides loneliness was that feeling of rejection. It began with feeling rejected by my spouse who did not see enough value in me to want to keep me. It was humiliating to see myself beg this person over and over to choose me and to choose to work it out. It was embarrassing to have to tuck my tail between my legs and walk away. It was even more hurtful to see him move on.
Then, the feelings of rejection came from all the “Christianese” sayings I would hear like “God hates divorce”. Yes, God hates divorce but does that mean he hates me, the divorcee? Am I now an outcast because I’m no longer attached to a spouse?
And what now?
Some say it’s adultery if I were to get remarried.
Some say it’s ok to get remarried.
For my part, I believe the scripture has provided me with grounds.
But I try not to discuss this with too many Christians because I know there are those who believe I should now remain single.
I met someone that I was interested in but he did not believe in marrying a divorced woman from a scriptural perspective. While I respected his position, I was again flooded by those familiar feelings of rejection.
I do know that I would like to have someone in my life again. I want to know the joy of being loved as Christ loves the church. I want to be led by a Godly man and have someone to share my life with. I want to stop opening my front door to an empty house each night.
I pray daily for God’s direction and for the courage to accept whatever His will might turn out to be."